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7 dating tips for women ;) from men!

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 (Starting with these seven dating tips for women from men!),

1. Do your own thing. Don’t let a man become the center of your universe. If you make a man your whole life, he’s going to lose interest because he will most likely feel smothered! Remember, he fell in love with the dynamic “you” who has her own interests and passions who wanted to make him a part of your life, not the whole darn thing. Men are attracted to confident women who get the concept of “interdependence.”  Interdependence requires that you’re both independent and dependent; that means you create sacred space for your relationship as well as sacred space for your work, passions and friends. Don’t lose the things that are most important to you, and keep doing what you were doing before you started dating him: your Sunday morning yoga class, a yearly vacation with your college roommates, etc.

2. Don’t overindulge on a date. While you might think it’s cute to have 6 glasses of wine at dinner, he does not. Let him get to know you as you are. . Also, order a real dinner. One guy said – he went on a first date and his date wouldn’t order any food because she wasn’t “hungry.” But then every time he cut a piece of steak on his plate, she reached over and ate it! Best to leave your glass half full and your plate empty(ish).

3. Some men ARE afraid of commitment (so they might need a little more time than you to decide if you’re the one). Even if a guy is relationship ready, if you bring up on date three that you’re ready for a relationship he’ll likely question whether you really want to be in a relationship with HIM or if you’re ready for a relationship with anyone. He’s going to wonder how after two dinners and one museum trip you already know that you want him to be your boyfriend. So even though it’s great to let a new guy know where you are in your life or about your dating goals, take the time to get to know him before you decide. (We recommend that you hold that conversation until at least date three or four). As a result, he’ll feel a whole lot better about the possibility of having a relationship if you give him a little time. Don’t rush the getting-to-know-each-other part. Not only is this phase of dating exciting, but it also allows you time to “data date” and collect the information you need to determine if he’s boyfriend material AND someone you want to be in a relationship with.

4. We always want you to invite us in after a first date, but we secretly hope you’ll say no. If you want to show a man that you’re girlfriend material, don’t hook up with him on the first date. It will probably make him wonder if you would do the very same thing with every other Tom, Dick and Harry. This is also a good way to feel out whether he’s looking for some casual fun or something a little more serious. Often we believe that a man will expect us to get physical from the get-go and that if we don’t, men will lose interest if it doesn’t happen right away. In fact, it’s actually the opposite. It’s not a deal breaker every time, but it does make the “getting to know you” part more complicated.

5. Don’t call us all the time. Let us call you. If you’re consistently calling, texting, emailing, and doing all the asking out, a man won’t have to lift a finger. Let the communication be balanced. This is not to say that you can’t ever reach out to a man you’re dating, but let him do the asking out–at least in the early stages. If you’re both interested in each other, there will be a natural balance in the amount of communication. If you feel like you may be guilty of over-calling, take a break and see if he comes back and puts in the effort. If so, wonderful. And if not? Move on, sister! You deserve someone who wants to reach out to you, call you, and ask you out.

6. Don’t assume you are exclusive. As scary as it may seem to talk to your man about not seeing other people, it’s even scarier to just assume he isn’t seeing other people. Words are helpful, and you should use them sometimes. So he tells you he wants to introduce you to his sister? Awesome! Still doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Try something like, “You know, I’d really like not to see other people. How do you feel about that?” If he gives you an answer you aren’t looking for, buh-bye. And if he gives you a yes, fantastic! Go for it!

7. Men aren’t all the same, so give them a chance!  As easy as it would be to base every opinion you have on an experience you had with a guy or listen to your best guy friend’s advice, not all men are the same. So even though these dating tips from men can be very helpful, men are ultimately individuals. Let them show up and show you how much they’re interested! Men are often more helpful than not, right?

 

Dating Advice For Men – Why Woman Love Assholes ;)

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Do women truly prefer assholes — men who treat them rudely, who act like they could take ‘em or leave ‘em, or who actually do take them… and then leave them? haha 😉

I myself prefer good, true, honest, loving, kind, faithful, funny men— with a badboy, sexy, hot twist – The party junkies and criminal bad boys.. pack your bags! You ain’t wanted here. But a successful man who takes what he wants and knows what he wants – that is sexy as hell, does that make him an asshole? it could be….

And yet we all know women who can’t seem to get excited about anyone but a asshole. So yes, it’s true: Some women want dicks. The bigger question is why.

The Status

Think back to your high school days. Now remember the guy who got all the girls. Yeah, him. I’ll bet he was a dick.

High school rewards dicks. Girls dig status. In high school, status comes from having the quickest remark or the most athletic body, or both. The funniest guy in high school is typically hilarious at others’ expense.

The Money

The reason girls love status it’s associated with a man’s ability to provide and protect. Just as the toughest guy would have made a great protector in the ancient past—where all human mating psychology comes from—women today are drawn to whoever gets them and their kids/genes to survive. In today’s terms, that means money.

And some assholes have money. They aren’t better employees, but they have no hesitations about putting themselves or their interests forward. And that leads to power!

The Panties

Dicks are good to alternately fake long-term interest, or pretend they’ve got more money (or degrees, cars, houses) and they don’t..

Your Mission?

DICKS probably do get women more easily in casual sex scenarios. But they don’t get or stay married more easily; they aren’t loved more, or longer. Actually, their lives and loves are crappier—not happier. And very few men want to play the field all their lives; men and women are a like, they want lasting, true love.

But dicks often lack what it takes to sustain that. They are less relationship-oriented, less friendly, forgiving, trusting, helpful, warm, caring, cooperative, and sympathetic than non-assholes—precisely the opposite of the kind, loving, loyal heart women require in a mate. Dicks are less well-liked, they have more stress, and they have less happy lives. Basically, some might get more ladies in bed, but they will be dumped often too.

Dicks aren’t into relationships. But nice guys tend to show a woman that they genuinely like and care about her. They take the brave risks of saying that they’re in love, and backing it up with their behavior.

The most attractive thing you can do is to openly admire the person you’re with. Liking leads to liking.

So, nice guys, keep being nice. If you want to change something, you can always ad the good parts of being a dick, the self-confidence, the maanlines, the power, the take what you want kinda attitude and cocky funny jokes – ad it to your nice guy personality  😀 That seems like the perfect combo! Nice guy with a bad boy twist hehe… Good Luck with the ladies. XOXO

 

7 Things Boyz Think But Never Say Out Load ;)

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1 “I’m not sure how good I am at that sex thing you seem to enjoy.” Whatever “that thing” may be, however much you’ve encouraged or praised it, he’s still not sure if he’s a pro at it and feels a little self-conscious each time. The female body is an elaborate and wondrous thing.

2 “I’m not 100% where I want to be professionally.” Who is, really? Even if he’s wildly successful he’ll still have ambition to continue to climb whatever ladder he’s on. The more a man says how amazing he’s doing professionally, the more insecure he usually is about it.

3 “I have a body complex as well.” He sucks in his gut every time he takes off his shirt and hopes you don’t notice.

4 “I have occasional doubts about us.” No one in a relationship is 100 percent sure all of the time. Mostly he’s head over heels for you, but once in a blue moon he does a double take while contemplating your future.

5 “Playing with my friend’s kid completely triggers my paternal instinct.” He doesn’t want to freak you out, and he’s not necessarily ready for kids—but damn is that baby cute.

6 “He’s scared to say ‘I love you’ first, too.” Unless you get him drunk. Then he might just blurt out “I love you,” on the third date. True story.

7 “I am completely in love with your [insert strange trait here].” There is one thing about you that every time he sees or hears it he softens a little bit inside. But that’s his secret, and maybe it’s okay that he keeps that particular treasured act to himself.

I Salute Women over 40 ;) … Listen 2 this wise guy talk!

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The New Sexy: Women Over 40

I’m a guy age 41.

Until recently, when a woman over 40 checked out my dating profile, the first thought that always popped up in my head was “too old”–and then I quickly moved on to the next profile. I would literally think, “Why is she checking me out; we’re not even in the same generation.”

I shared this revelation with my friend, Heather, who is in her 30’s, and she challenged me:

You ARE over 40Alex. Your age range is from 26-41. Why do you date younger women, but not women your own age?”

But they’re not my own age, I still thought to myself. They’re old–and I’m not.

(Can we say… self-delusional?)

I told her that I’ve always been attracted to younger women. But it definitely made me wonder: why do men, particularly as we age, tend to go for younger women?

Youthfulness. Looks. Energy. Vitality. Playfulness.

Based on our conversation, and just for kicks, I switched my age range to an upper limit of 45 and… lo and behold! It was like entering a secret vortex of hotness:

Women over 40.

I was a pioneer in an unchartered territory, and these lands were certainly exotic, to say the least. I’m a visual guy–and I was definitely seeing visions! But I was noticing a lot more than just beautiful sights.

They were confident. They were direct. They were liberated. And they were HOT.

Incredibly hot.

Let’s see if I can distinguish some of the qualities that I found so alluring in women over 40 that are often missing in women in their 20’s and 30’s:

1) Confidence: They have some major life experience under their hoods. Usually, they’ve already been through a marriage, parenthood and probably a divorce. Having hocked their “golden ticket” (i.e., marriage)–the purported key to all of their dreams and fantasies–they now realize that if it’s to be, it’s up to me. They no longer need a man to fill some void in their life; they know what they want, and they’re not afraid to go after it!

They are also comfortable in their own skin. They don’t do the whole bullshit routine that unmarried women do in their 20’s and 30’s. They’re no longer trying to be the woman that will attract the man. They know their value, and they own their beauty, which radiates from the inside-out. Having won and lost many battles, and having sometimes given too much in past relationships, they have learned to maintain the delicate balance between giving and receiving (i.e., they can sniff out the takers with a single whiff).

2) Direct: Many women in their 20’s/30’s allow men to transgress their boundaries–constantly–without sticking up for themselves. You will NOT see a woman over 40 make this mistake very often.

Here’s how the scenario often plays out. Both groups might get somewhat angry, but they do so in very different ways. Women in their 20’s/30’s will most likely grin and bear it at first, hoping that their guy understands the subtle hints and psychic messages that are being sent in his general direction (feel free to laugh now). But as time goes on and their needs go unmet, the resentment builds until–BOOM!–they react passive-aggressively. Often, they will justify their over-reactions by blaming their partner for not acting appropriately. Let’s just call this the indirect approach.

Women in their 40’s, by contrast, use the direct approach. When something doesn’t feel right, they lay down the law, upfront, and set clear boundaries for the future. But here’s the real beauty: after they’ve spoken their peace, they’re done. The slate is wiped clean, and everything is hunky-dory again (read: love is still present).

Let that soak in for a moment.

No future backlashes.

No re-hashing it a week (or several weeks) later.

It’s really over.

Love. Is. Present.

IS THAT REVOLUTIONARY, OR WHAT?

(Unless, of course, you’re stupid enough to transgress their boundary a second time; in which case, you and her are probably done.)

It’s an amazing quality! And it’s incredibly healthy–both for herself and for all parties involved. No drama; just communication.

Now, we could get into why women in their 20’s and 30’s use the indirect approach. But as that could (and should!) be another article unto itself, I will merely say that they are afraid; of what, exactly, I don’t know, but it probably has something to do with not wanting to rock the boat or create conflict within the relationship.

3) Liberated. Since most women who are over 40 have previously been married and are now single, there is usually an experience of having taken charge of their lives by ending a bad relationship. (Yes, most marriages are ended by women.)

This is not insignificant. It’s so easy to just stay comfortable in our lives, even when we’re, admittedly, not very happy. Why? Because ending our relationship often involves a major upheaval of our entire life: moving out, figuring out what to do with children, splitting up finances, etc. It takes tremendous courage to do so, and I give major props to anyone who has left a crappy marriage or relationship.

There is no greater joy than the feeling of liberation after having lived in a cage for too long. The irony is that, for most of us, we’re holding the key to our own cage!

Once a woman–or anyone, for that matter–has gotten out of their cage, the last thing they are going to do is get stuck in another one. Not only that, but they also have no desire to put someone else in a cage, either. Their liberation is liberating. 

For this reason, you can say pretty much whatever you’d like to a woman over 40. She may not agree, but she’ll give you the space to be you. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for, anyway? Someone with whom we can be ourselves–whether that’s a potential partner, lover or friend.

4) HOT: I could have gone with sexy, but… who are we kidding? Every woman prefers to be hot over sexy–so long as she knows that you value all of her attributes and not just physical ones. When a woman has been taking good care of herself throughout her 20’s and 30’s (physically, mentally, emotionally and nutritionally), and is confident, direct and liberated, there is a good chance that she is going to be spicy hot! 

Furthermore, she no longer feels the need to follow societal norms about sex, love, hooking up or dating. Without the need to strategize to catch a man, she does what feels right and what works for her. How liberating! And isn’t someone who is liberated super-sexy? I mean, even if you’re not physically attracted to that person, they are still SUPER-SEXY!

Personally, I love when I can flirt and be myself around women. Some will tell me right off the bat that they aren’t interested in something uncommitted. But because they create a space to be open and honest, it usually means that we are still going to connect on some level: intellectual, friendship, co-conspirators of mischievousness… something!

I’m not sure where all this is going to lead, but isn’t that part of the fun? The not-knowing. The discovery. The possibilities.

The irony is that when I talk to my friends about all of this, I still catch myself saying, “older women,” even though we’re about the same age! Obviously, my mental construct still has room for growth!

Regardless of what happens, I do know one thing:

my next girlfriend will definitely be over 40.

10 Tips for Avoiding Holiday Dating Disasters

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If you are single:

1. If you find yourself unattached in December, rejoice!

“Avoid dating till January!” The holidays stress us out — there’s so much to do, shopping sucks, it’s cold, and any existing family tensions are exacerbated — so trying to get a new relationship started is the last thing you want to add to your to-do list, especially because there are so many holiday minefields that could blow the fragile little romance… People are so much more sensitive around holly days.


If you have just started dating someone:

2. Don’t feel compelled to bring some new guy to your Christmas party with all your drunk friends.

Parties can be stressful and awkward for even the most graceful people — and adding a new beau to the mix will just increase the pressure on you. Plus, a bunch of people standing around talking – while getting drunk and doing crazy dance moves is no outsider’s idea of fun if he is shy. He’ll probably be relieved if you let him off the hook, explaining it’ll be easier on both of you that way. Don’t invite your beau too early.. 😉

3. Similarly: Don’t be offended if he doesn’t bring you to his.

It goes both ways.

4. Think twice about casually inviting him to any family holiday party.

Don’t tell yourself, “Oh, what the hell..

Introducing a new guy to anyone in your family automatically ups the ante, especially during the holiday season. Also, sometimes our families make us act not like our better selves… hahaha Mine is amazing – they will make me sound awesome – love them. But I don’t know yours. You don’t want a new guy to see you behaving childishly. What’s more, your relatives might be weird or annoying or simply not his kind of people. Your mother — whom everyone thinks you look so much like may scare him off hahaha.. My mom is hot, so not a issue for me 🙂 Your father could be the kind of jackass no one would ever want to be in a restaurant with, and so on. So make sure he’s seriously into you before easing him into your family.

If you’re more serious:

5. Talk about the gift situation.

Not sure if you two are serious enough to buy each other gifts? Or feeling uncertain about how much to spend? Talk about it rather than tiptoeing around the issue. Ask if he thinks exchanging gifts would be fun — and, of course, tell him how you feel. If neither of you is making much money, agree to do something inexpensive. You can also simply make each other presents, like a sportify list (consisting of a cozy winter soundtrack or a sexy soundtrack).

6. Think “compromise” rather than “sacrifice.”

Are you and your new boyfriend talking about how to split up the holidays? Does he want you to spend the holidays with his family members, while you want him to spend them with yours? If it’s geographically possible, split the difference. Do Christmas Eve with his folks, and spend the day of the 25th with yours, or lunch with one clan and dinner with the other. Or consider doing Christmas with one tribe and New Year’s with the other. If logistics are tricky, and neither of you wants to disappoint your family (or yourself!) by not seeing them over the holidays, simply agree to go your separate ways for the day — and do a special holiday dinner together, just the two of you, sometime before New Year’s Eve. Don’t make drama be flexible.

7. Do some advance work.

If your boyfriend has pleasantly agreed to come to your Aunts house for some Christmas food, give him a sense of what he might be in for so he can prepare himself. If she’s going to grill him about his job, alert him. Or, if you know an inquisition will make him miserable, ask Auntie, if she will leave the questions out 😉 Let him know about anything he can do to earn easy brownie points. Perhaps Auntie will love him forever if he brings her flowers, or if he compliments her on her decorations. Think ahead about the little things you can do to make the day more socially smooth for everyone. And if you’ll be with his family, ask him if he has any tips for you to make a great impression.

8. Pay attention to his dietary preferences.

The guy you’re dating is a vegetarian, and your grandmother thinks no meal is complete unless it features something that once mooed or snorted ? Bring along a Tofu something and some vegan cookies. If he’s the type who gets irritable when he’s hungry — and you have a long drive to get to the relatives’ place — bring some snacks in the car. If you both will be spending the night with the folks, and you know your parents don’t drink coffee — and your boyfriend can’t be human in the morning without his — consider bringing along a French press and some ground coffee… 😉 yes ladies plan ahead to avoid disasters.. 😀

9. Pay attention to your own physical needs.

Do your best to get enough sleep and to make time for exercise, especially if it’s important to you. The better you feel physically, the more likely you are to feel psychologically at ease, too. I can’t function without sleep or exercise. What about you?


No matter what:

10. Take it easy on the alcohol at all times.

People often think drinking will ease all tensions and make everyone jollier. Instead, it regularly disables people’s manners, amplifies any underlying moodiness or resentment, and encourages them to do things that are ridiculous, inappropriate, or offensive. So have a glass of wine or two with dinner, but go easy. And if the person you’re dating has a tendency to overindulge, ask him to make an effort to keep himself in check. If he has trouble pacing himself, suggest that he commit to having two glasses of water — or three — for every alcoholic beverage. But hopefully you don’t need to be a babysitter for your boyfriend – maybe rehab is better! 😉 I remember being with a x boyfriend’s family for the first time. watching he’s cousins new girlfriend – also there for the first time – make a complete fool of herself by getting too drunk. She made such a bad impression, all the parents present didn’t like her – I did really well – they all liked me, compared to her – I was a angel!! So I should have thanked her for getting too drunk.